A letter from Your King

My subjects,

Just want to take a minute and get you up to speed on the progress I am making completely deconstructing your government and replacing it with mine. Change is good, well as long as you go with my changes. If you want to make your changes then I don’t really care for it much.

Turns out this being King (you can call me president for a while until you get accustomed to my new title) is not all that hard. We all know that it does not matter if what I am saying is true, all that matters is that I say it loud and often, eventually it will be come true. Accordingly I have found a new way to undermine that group of radical insurgents call the “Republicans.” Every thing I propose will be based on cost savings, this way they will not be able to make a stink about it, since we all know they don’t really care about your rights. They are just in it for the money. Hold on – I don’t really care about your rights and I am doing this for the money; am I a Republican? We will worry about that later. The Rathke boys are right I need to do a better job of staying on message. It is tough because I do love to hear myself talk.

Enough about me (well, not really, we will add in a little more me later), back to the update. Here is my latest take over the world scheme. This whole missile defense shield is just low hanging fruit, ripe for me to pick the cost savings. Last time I checked I was not the King of Poland, Czechoslovakia, or the Ukraine. Why would I care what happens to them? They cannot vote for me, they can’t buy prepaid debit cards and make excessive campaign contributions; I can’t even cover them with my new Universal Health Care Cost explosion plan. Hold on a minute, If ACORN can get Mickey Mouse to vote for me they should not have any trouble getting these guys registered. Note to self: Have the Rathke boys Figure out a way to count votes from other countries in the next election (coronation).

Just like the savings from Medicare the missile defense savings don’t really exist but I am going to be talking about it for the next few months and eventually your brain will be overpowered by the mind control rays from my friends and NBC and MSNBC. Don’t even think about putting on your foil lined hats, they have a way to penetrate that now. I will be announcing new initiatives designed to save costs because the more shells in the game the harder it is to find the mark. All I every really needed to know about politics I learned from a side show carny.

We will need all those savings when the savings from the health care reform and cap & trade start to kick in. Wait a minute – that does not make sense. Well you don’t need to worry I am the president and here to help. Money is not really an issue anyway. You see we have this really neat printing press that just spits out money. We are not sure how much we need since the treasury is still learning how to use the accounting system, and that crazy Max Baucus keeps changing the deal on health care. He must actually think we will abide by the rules.

I think we need to appoint a CZAR to deal with this. I bet the Russians will think that is cool, they have had lots of czars. See that is the key to effective communication and negotiation; you have to get inside your opponents mind and find out how he is trying to kill you then help him do it. Then you have him right where you want him – you start organizing some community action groups, get ACORN an office in Moscow so they can start pimpin’ out some hookers, we send the CEO of GE over there and start making a few bucks from the Russians, open up a McDonalds and a Wal-Mart, and they will have forgotten all about this whole missile thing.

You will not hear much about this on the news (except for that idiot Glenn Beck), I don’t let them talk about important things. I mostly keep them on target with the funerals of pop music crack heads and such. They had a BIG time with that Joe Wilson catching me in that lie about illegal aliens. That was a close one. It sure was lucky that I had my “Shiny Flashy Thing” to throw out and temporarily blind everyone while the Senate covered my rear. Then his sister comes out and tells everyone the WHOLE story and stabs me right in the back after I made her brother famous. You just cannot help some people!

Did you see that Nancy Pelosi interview where she almost cried? What a laugh riot that one is. I have told that plastic faced chic three times if she did not calm down with all these ultimatums I would throw her under the bus with the public option. Boy when she gets wrapped around the axle she just will not stop.

I don’t have a lot of time left to chat, my new regulatory czar wants to bring me up to speed on how he thinks the stem cells we are going to use to cure everything may have the same rights as a human and may want to sue the government. I am not sure I can get my mind wrapped around this one, but he is convinced.

Then I have to figure out how to replace Van Jones. You know I might have over shot on that one. Probably should have warmed everybody up with just a confessed socialist before going whole hog on the communist. I will call my guy Bill Ayers and get another name. Well live and learn.

Remember, send all your money to us, we will send you back enough to live on and a couple of protein waffles.

Your King

Plenty more where this came from WWYTA.com

I guess FreedomWorks is now paying by the word.

keeping the health insurance industry alive is the poison pill.

Yeah, you mean AHIP is paying FreedomWorks (arbeit mach frei, yes?) and FreedomWorks is paying by the word.

Anything to obstruct the citizens from having an open dialog about the laws their AHIP-bought legislators are doing to them.

A-yep.